Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Yes.

• I’m on a budget.
• I’ve reduced my credit card by half and it is still going down.
• I paid my car off.
• I quit stalling on the paperwork for a credential for work.
• I applied for and got accepted to graduate school.
• I’m eating better and have lost about 50 pounds.
• I went to the dentist for the first time in 7 years.
• &c.

Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

“I want a dominate.” 

Surprise elements in erotica not disclosed in the beginning: everything’s sexy and here come the dogs… or the Amish people. 

Erotica that is extremely formulaic or when I know that XYZ is unlikely… I think there was a part of the Beauty series where she was being cropped on the cunt and it didn’t hurt.

Submissives who write me and want me to top them, even though all profiles I have had clearly state that I’m A. submissive and B. collared.

Being lonely/ closeted.  Not in a literal closet. Not being able to talk about this.

What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

Primarily, that just because I’m submissive I want to submit to everyone.  Or that this is something about me that needs fixing.

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

I think that the most difficult aspects of this is accepting myself as kinky.  Although I’d been very interested in leather porn, I didn’t realize that this life was an option until I was practically living it.  I’m still surprised by things I like.  I have trouble wrapping my brain around how much I want this.

I never particularly identified with feminism, and my owners joke that I’m setting feminism back 100 years.  I don’t care.  I don’t think I am.  I don’t think that just everyone could be happy in a D/s relationship, but for me, it is a very happy place.

The other side is that I am not out of the kink closet to my family.  Most of my friends know that my owners aren’t my roommates, but I try to avoid specifics.  I don’t think it would go over well, especially with my mom.  We have to be discreet in town.

I just caught a glimpse of a life very different than mine that I don’t want.  I have to deal with emo moments here, but I know where I stand.  I know that I’m the submissive, They Aren’t.  That permeates into about all of my life.  We have a distinct method of communication and dividing responsibilities.  I’m expected to ask for help and let them know when I feel overwhelmed.  I don’t feel comfortable disclosing what I observed, but wow.  Not for me.

I feel like the ground here is so fertile, growth is easy.  Maybe it is just a good match for me, maybe my friend wouldn’t thrive here.  It isn’t always easy, sometimes growth is hard and painful and necessitates becoming aware and letting go of old habits.

I want to make bold statements that I would be different in her situation, but I don’t know that.  I’ve never dealt with the things she’s having to deal with.  She’s making hard choices, and I’m grateful that I don’t have to face what she’s facing.  There’s also nothing I can do to help, or so it seems.

Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

I am not sure what to write here.  I’m curious about hoods, cages, and giving up more control.  I’m also afraid of some of the things I haven’t tried yet.